January 3, 2010
by heather
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How to Stop Whining and Other Parenting Resolutions

Early in the New Year I’ve now started to add parenting goals to my list of personal goals. Top of the list this year is following through on a consistent strategy to help my kids stop whining. Or rather, to teach them better ways of asking for what they want.

What? A strategy? What strategy? You have one?  

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December 16, 2009
by heather
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Mom’s Christmas Lesson

 

 

Last Sunday, we had a special guest at our small country church: One of the bishops of the Episcopal Diocese of Connecticut.

 

“Oh, that’s right, the Bishop’s visiting today,” I said as the children and I entered the church.

 

Son wasn’t quite clear what this meant but insisted we sit in the front row. The Bishop processed in all decked out in a grand purple robe and miter (that’s the funky hat with a point at the top and two tails down the back). He was also carrying a tall, wooden shepherd’s staff.

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December 6, 2009
by heather
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Imaginary Friends

 

 

Son has an imaginary friend.

 

His name is Andrew.

 

 

I first learned of him when Son asked, “Mom, can Andrew come over for a play date?”

 

Son was riding around the upstairs hallway on a beat up red and blue plastic ride-on thing designed for a two year old. His five year old knees were closing in on his ears but that didn’t crimp his travels.

 

Blank look from me.

 

“You don’t know an Andrew.”

 

Son raised his arm and gestured across the empty space beside him.

 

“It’s pretend,” he said in an exaggerated whisper.

 

I nodded. “Sure, he can come over.”

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November 30, 2009
by heather
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On Demand Culture = Demanding Kids

 

For awhile now, I’ve been thinking about how to raise kids in a culture where music, TV, movies, toys, books and…mommy are offered on demand. How do you help your children learn patience, portion control and restraint when they can request any show or movie whenever they want it? When they expect life to be available to them on their terms? Or rather, how do I temper their wants after giving them the option?

 

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November 18, 2009
by heather
2 Comments

Mom Seeking Wife

 

I cut some slices of cheese and put them on a plate with Carrs Rosemary crackers. I set them on the coffee table in the family room then brought the basket of laundry over to fold.

 

Wouldn’t it be nice if I had someone else here to help me out? Not just to enjoy the cheese and crackers with but to, you know, help me with all the stuff I’ve got to do.

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November 6, 2009
by heather
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Swine Flu in Children – Mine

 

 

Day Five of Daughter’s battle with Swine Flu. H1N1 if you prefer. Whatever. It’s the Flu and a bad one.

 

Even though both kids were vaccinated with the H1N1 Flu mist on October 22, Daughter came down with a fever last Sunday night (10 days after the vaccine). Her first two days were the worst with a high fever and severe vomiting. I started to worry when she couldn’t keep the fever reducer medicine down, wouldn’t even lick an ice cube, and couldn’t stay awake for more than ten minutes.

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October 31, 2009
by heather
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Yiddish in my Soul

I met her when she was eighty-five. She was Jewish. I was a Wasp and quickly adopted Husband’s Grandma Sylvia as my own. Well, no adopting was necessary. Grandma Sylvia grandmothered me with no nonsense advice before and after the wedding and once the kids came. Grandma Sylvia always cut to the chase in a conversation and I found it refreshing.

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October 21, 2009
by heather
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Secrets

 

 

It’s been a rough couple weeks.

 

Son has started exhibiting the telltale signs of over stimulation, over tiredness, over commitment and over induction to Kindergarten. You know the drill – tears upon hearing the first of my many “No’s” for the day; angry looks and comments when I don’t jump-to-it at his first request; and a push, grab or punch to little Sister and to me when his pot boils over all too quickly these days.

 

Kindergarten “long days” started the week before last and he arrives home on the bus at 4 pm two days a week. All his robust energy and goodwill get used up in the myriad activities and social negotiations he manages in school all day. I get the leftovers. And they’re pretty slim pickins.

 

The weekends have been packed with soccer, birthday parties and play dates; leaving little time for rest and undirected play.  By this Sunday night, Son and I were both slightly bruised from the harsh words, threats, and push/pull we’d traded all weekend long.

 

The Competition

And then began the Competition. Son requested a “Competition” for Daughter and him after dinner. Uncertain what this meant, I concocted an event that was part scavenger hunt, obstacle course and performance piece.

 

Since Daughter had recently made two “beds” on the family room floor, my first task was for the kids to lie still with their eyes closed for ten seconds (borrowed from a similar standing exercise in karate class). Next, they had to bring me a plastic animal from the playroom (extra points for helping each other out), then do ten jumping jacks.

 

I, the judge, rated them on each activity and made it a tie. Bolstered by the lack of tears or fighting, I put more creativity into the second round. This time, the entire Competition revolved around cooperation – finishing first wasn’t the key to winningteamwork was!

 

They started out lying down again and sang the Alphabet Song – in unison. Then, they had to get a spoon out of the kitchen drawer, go up to their rooms and put a shirt on over their outfits and bring me something, anything, from their rooms. And don’t forget the spoon, too!

 

We proceeded like this for a good half an hour and the activities escalated to a costume contest (I interviewed each character), to writing their names on paper, to bringing their two favorite books and telling me about each one.

 

For the final event, I asked them to dress up, make me something to eat (in the play kitchen) and tell me a secret. I didn’t say anything about what the secret should be. I just said, “Tell me a secret.”

 

Son was first and leaned in close to my ear. He held his hand up to cover his mouth and whispered strong and clear:

 

“I want you to save the world – and all my friends – and love me.”

 

It was, innocently and brazenly, his secret wish. A wish of hope and expectation and embodying all that he expects of me every minute of every day.

 

No biggie, really. He just wants me to be a superhero, his own private SuperMom. And this silent, precious wish is why my slightest off kilter day rocks his little being. Why an impatient glance from Mommy when he’s overspent from the rest of the world, brings anger, tears, and tantrums.

 

Then Daughter leaned in close. She hadn’t heard a word of Son’s secret but covered her mouth and spoke clearly as well:

 

“I want Daddy to love me and kiss me and I want love and you and….”

 

And I don’t remember the rest. I was so moved by the release of these secret wishes from their childish souls that I simply sat and let the beauty of their words blow through me – cascade through a mommy soul that was saturated with too many demands and yells and punishments and secret pleas for peace.

 

They both insisted, of course, to do the final event one more time. They changed costumes, brought me plastic tomatoes and toast, and once again, their secret desires.

 

Son put his arms around my neck and pulled my ear close to his lips.

 

“I want you to save the world – and all my friends. And I want to be your partner and help.”

 

 

October 13, 2009
by heather
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Real Mommy Interview: Quality Garage Time

Jennifer, a former freelance journalist who still finds time to write (and read) on the side, has three daughters ages 8, 4-1/2 and 3

 

 

What time do your kids get up in the morning?

 

My early bird is up around 6:30 or 7:00 Regular bird is up at 7:30, and sleepyhead is dragged out of bed at 7:45

 

Did any sleep with you last night?

 

Yes, my eight-year-old sleeps with me when my husband is traveling on business (often)

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September 29, 2009
by heather
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Random Streams of Mommy Consciousness

 

Date: September something

Time: 8:07 am

Location: Three mile stretch from home to Daughter’s preschool

 

What a beautiful day. This morning schedule is really working out well. Load up the car with Daughter’s backpack. Wait for bus with Son and Daughter. Keep Son from running into street to chase soccer ball that neighbor kid brings to kick around each morning.

 

Daughter seems adjusting to preschool. Well, we lose about five minutes getting into the minivan each morning as she climbs into the front seat and looks for my candy stash. Or digs in my purse for Dentyne. Or Altoids. Then, of course, I have to ask for the tenth time if she needs to pee before school. Like she’d say yes. Like she ever actually wants to go to the bathroom. When is she actually going to want to go ALL the time? Am I manhandling her by picking her up and holding her down on the seat? Is this actually ‘potty trained?’

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