June 25, 2008
by heather
0 comments

Mommy Peace – A Little Extra Help Keeps Mommy at Bay

After two weeks with Son out of preschool, I got smart and asked my 15 year old niece to help out babysitting a couple days this week. What a difference! Happy kids, happier Mom. Why didn’t I get extra help sooner? The three intimidating factors for me were:

1. How would I find a decent babysitter I could trust and liked enough to have around my house?
2. Did I want to spend the extra money each week for some peace of mind and opportunity to get extra things done around the house or errands run without the hassle of accompanying preschoolers?
3. The big Mommy Guilt Factor: Shouldn’t I want to be with my children every waking hour – won’t it be fun to get up and go to the beach and have a fun summer day together? (Uh, not when we’re all screaming at each other by 5 pm.)

Admittedly, it was easy to get over my fear of finding a trustworthy babysitter the kids (and I) would enjoy after Niece announced that she was available for babysitting this summer. While I was worried about the need to pick her up and take her home to the next town over, I got over this by actually doing it and timing it at 13 minutes each way. That’s not such a big deal. And, her gracious mother offered to drop her off or pick her up one way each time. So, I take advantage of that during naptime or close to it (so Daughter doesn’t nod off in car and screw up the whole nap schedule for the day.)

In addition, Son loves his cousin and views her babysitting more like a playdate. This happens with great babysitters and also younger ones that act like mother’s helpers. That’s how I viewed Niece. I didn’t expect her to take over and simply enjoyed her addition to our group and our ability to go one on one when necessary (e.g. Daughter throwing tantrum while Son carries on about needing that train over there.) I now see the value of au pairs.

Second, since she’s fifteen, I’m paying her $9/hour and not the standard $15/hour or higher for an older babysitter in my area. This eases my financial guilt that I shouldn’t be paying just for my own peace of mind or to give myself a break.

Finally, after a harry weekend where Husband and I realized that Daughter is indeed in the throws of two year old tantrums over random miscellaneous needs and that while she and Son play so nicely together much of the time, their battles over said trains and most other toys they play with, has taken on new frequency and pitch; I just picked up the phone and called Niece to help – ALL DAY MONDAY.

No guilt, simply necessity. And since the day went well and at Friday, I can view this entire week as having been much easier on me (Niece is coming over again this afternoon), I’m finding my Mommy Guilt sweetly receding behind a certain Mommy Peace.

June 17, 2008
by heather
2 Comments

Crocs or Not?

I just had my first experience of relenting to my child’s need for coolness, peer pressure, please-please-please-can-I-have-them? versus my goal of practicality. We entered the shoe store with me intent on buying a pair of Teva’s or similar sandal for the beach and hot summer day playing and a pair of Keens or something similar for avoiding wood chips on the playground and hiking in the woods. Since Son’s toes were hanging over his sandals from the February Florida trip, we were starting from scratch.

But, upon entering the store, he spotted the Crocs display and exclaimed, “Crocs! Oooooh, Crocs! Pleeeeeeaaaase, Mom, can I get some???” Where, oh where did this come from? I was naively shocked at how clued in he was on summer kids fashion. We have never discussed this type of shoe, I’ve never mentioned the brand, and he can’t read. How did he know what they were? (Silly, clueless Me.) There I was, begging, pestering him for details on who exposed him to this fashion while he ran around the display, pulling off any size and color he could dislodge from the hooks.

Mom: “We’ll see honey. We’re going to try on lots of shoes, practical shoes, and we’ll see what works. “

Son: “I LOVE Crocs! Please, can I get some?”

Mom: “Where did you hear about them? Who told you about Crocs? I just don’t understand where this came from?”

Son: Completely ignoring my need for more information. “Please….. Mom….”

And where did he learn that sweet pleading reaps more rewards than whining? Oh, right, I give in more.

Mom to Store Manager: “How do they stay on? I don’t see how he can run in those. Let me try on a pair. Ooohhhh, they’re very comfortable. Oh, I see how they stay on. Okay, let him try a pair.”

We leave with Bob the Builder Crocs in navy blue, my son tripping over his feet.

Mom: “But they don’t even look comfortable. Are you sure they fit okay? You’re tripping!”

Son: “They’re fine.” Huge smile. Happy face. Doesn’t want them to get wet or dirty (Crocs?!) and puts them in secret, special place of honor in his room.

I gave in because I loved satisfying his longing. But what will I do when Daughter turns 10, 11, 12, etc. and wants 4” heels?

What would you do in a similar situation? Be practical and avoid tripping or let him have his way?
Post your comment.

PS
At the cash register:

Store Manager: “Do you want some Jibbitz?”

Mom: “Don’t even go there.”

Store Manager: “Chicken.”

June 3, 2008
by heather
3 Comments

Finding Babysitters – From Craigs List to MySpace

Here’s a scary story shared by D., a Mom in my playgroup. She’s been looking for a babysitter since she recently moved to town. I have used Craigs List in the past with mixed results. Well, here’s her experience:

Babysitter’s Ad on Craig’s List
The Perfect Family Addition! Nanny Available FT ASAP

D.’s email response
Hi
My name is D. and I have a two year old son.
Are you able to work in W. and are you still looking for a position?
Thanks


Babysitter:
Hi D.
I would absolutely work in W. How many hours would you need me to work? Please feel free to call me at xxx. xxx.xxxx.

Instead of responding right away, D. visits MySpace to see if Babysitter has a page. Uh, yes she does and it’s kind of profane. The top line reads, “F. these B.’s…”

Needless to say, D. politely declined to employ Babysitter. Furthermore, Babysitter sent mean-spirited emails afterwards and put profane postings on her MySpace page toward D.!

So, while we all prefer to find babysitters and nannies from credible references, sometimes we need to look a little farther afield.

Advice:

1. Always, always call at least two references. (In fact, another friend recently stopped proceedings with a potential nanny who she loved after interviewing her, when the first reference “trashed” the nanny.) Always good to call.

2. If you’re finding a stranger online, do your online due diligence. It’s pretty common knowledge these days that what you put online, especially through social media such as MySpace, Facebook, etc. can be found by potential employers. MySpace is public so it’s easy to search. Try Google, too. You never know what will show up.

3. Have a trial playdate with the new babysitter and your children. I found a college student on Craigs List who sounded fabulous on the phone and through her references. But when she showed up, she just sat there and my kids looked bewildered. Well, so did she actually. I sent her home immediately. No pay.

But I also found our most fabulous babysitter to date on Craigs List. We’re still searching for her replacement as she now has a full time job after graduating college last year.

Hopefully, we all have more heartwarming stories than scary ones. We just have to do our homework.

May 15, 2008
by heather
1 Comment

Bye Bye Plastic – BPA banned

Okay, well this is a nightmare come true. In 2004, I fed my infant Son from Avent baby bottles (weren’t they supposed to be the best?) and formula after nine months of breastfeeding. Now, we learn that Avent bottles, as well as formula cans, contain a harmful ingredient, BPA, found in many clear plastics (such as the Nalgene bottles Husband and I have used during hiking). I heard my first warnings a couple years ago (and moved to different bottles for Daughter) but now “a draft report by the National Toxicology Program has found “some concern” that the chemical could cause behavioral changes in infants and children and early onset of puberty in females.” Furthermore, Canada has just banned selling certain products, such as baby bottles, containing BPA. Toys R Us and Walmart will ban BPA baby bottles on their shelves.

To be safe, avoid plastic bottles and products with the 7 symbol on the bottom. Fortunately, Nalgene has quickly decided to cease using BPA in its products. Read more on BPA.

It’s hard to stay up on what’s safe so I’ve added a Green Parenting blog link to my Recommended blogs list to help us stay informed.

If you’re looking for additional green parenting tips, visit Baby Center: Going Green: 20 Small Steps that Make a Big Difference.

On a broader environmental note, I’m in Barcelona, Spain this week and amazed at the green design I see everywhere. It’s just so startling how Europeans have been thinking this way for awhile and designing many functions with environmental awareness in mind. A short list:

  • Upon entering my hotel room, I insert my key card to turn on the lights. When I leave the room with my key, they all go off. How simple is that?
  • The elevators at the convention center have motion detectors and only run when you step on them. Why can’t American malls, etc. duplicate this?
  • Recyclable trash cans are placed on street corners and in public meeting spaces
  • Many citizens drive motorcycles and have easy parking
  • Public transportation (metro and trams) are clean and easy to use

I haven’t been to Europe since Son was born so I’m finding that my heightened sensitivity to green living makes me see it everywhere and realize where we’re still so behind in the States.

Will it take $6 per gallon gas for Moms to carpool more and avoid unnecessary trips in their SUVs and minivans? Can we start organizing local toyswaps to trade plastic instead of contributing to the production of more? Is it that difficult to compost food?

For the sake of our childrens’ futures, let’s get on it!

May 10, 2008
by heather
0 comments

Classic Tunes for Tots

In an article in the New York Times this week, a producer for Inside Edition said the campaign trail has become the “greatest reality show on television.” Amen. Until it got so negative and I decided I’d had enough. That’s when I turned to American Idol for some lighter fare. And while my toddlers can correctly name a front page picture, “That’s Barack Obama!” (is it a form of brainwashing if Son puts a bumper sticker on his toy car?) they like it even better when I break into Beatles’ songs over breakfast.

It was a bright Spring morning several weeks ago when I launched into “Here Comes the Sun” after Brooke White sung it on American Idol the night before. (Her bright yellow dress was fun but there’s a reason she’s been voted off.) Despite her average performance, the song stuck in my head and reminded me how great Beatles songs are for kids. In the next few weeks on the show, Mariah Carey didn’t offer much inspiration for the little ones (though David Cook rocked!) but Neil Diamond opened up a whole new world of cheesy classics. Who can’t belt out “Sweet Caroline” to her four year old?

Well, a couple of “Cracklin’ Rosies” later and I was traveling all the way downhill to “I Think I Love You” by The Partridge Family. While Husband was a bit aghast at my fierce attempt at Keith Partridge (with a little bit of sister Laurie on keyboards thrown in), Daughter and Son were enthralled. It’s fun to watch Mommy get down to a song. Why, I wondered, should our children only learn Bruce Springsteen songs from Dad?

So, to parallel the rockin’ playlist Dad created for the kids, I’ve made my own mix of Mommy tunes. We can’t put the Beatles on our playlists since they aren’t on iTunes or Rhapsody (our subscription service). But the songs are catchy and fun to sing along to, with harmless lyrics. Come on Moms, rock on!

Mommy’s Classic Tunes for Tots

on iTunes

on Rhapsody

Dad’s Classic Tunes for Tots

on iTunes

on Rhapsody

April 10, 2008
by heather
0 comments

Drive Up and Dial

Recently a group of friends and I were lamenting the hassle of running errands with young kids. It’s a royal pain to unstrap them from the car seat, hoist them up and haul them in for a short stop at say, the dry cleaners or drug store. Witness my recent Nightmare in CVS episode to pick up Amoxicillin for two year old Daughter with ear infection:

“I’m sorry Ma’am, we don’t have it.”

“But I heard the nurse call it in!”

“Oh, here it is, but has your insurance changed?”

“Not since I picked up her fluoride vitamins last week!”

All the while Daughter is screaming in pain and lunging out of the cart or my arms. Put her down and she grabs candy from the toddler-height racks and cleverly rips it open. (Smart chick.) I vow never to return. Where is the new drive-through pharmacy in town?

Of course, the other secret solution is to leave your children unattended in the car for just a quick run into the store. Both illegal and dangerous, this option is only used in the most dire circumstances when your eyes can be on the kids from inside the store. And, anyone who’s ever tried this knows what a nervous wreck you are the entire time. First, in case Daughter or Son might be screaming even though you put favorite Barney CD on and opened books on their laps. But actually the greater fear is getting busted by a passerby who calls the cops. Even worse: a write up in the local paper’s Police Log that details said Irresponsible Mother who left children in car in the Store parking lot and claimed she was just “running in to get a few things.” Tssk Tssk.

The 2008 solution? Drive up service. Yep, my friend D. presented this ingenious solution at our girls’ night out. It’s perfect for dry cleaners and even her example, the liquor store! She pulls up front and dials the store:

“Hello, this is D. and I’m out front in the car with my kids. Would you mind bringing me two bottles of chilled Kendall Jackson?” That’s it. Easy as pie. She hands them her credit card or sets up a store charge. Works like a charm.

So, the other day, faced with sleeping Son and soon to be sleeping Daughter, I pulled up to a local vacuum repair shop. How am I going to do this? What if Daughter screams and wakes up Son? And then I remembered D.’s trick and decided to give it a try. I dialed the shop:

“Hi, this Heather Levy. I dropped off my vacuum the other day. Is it ready? Oh, great. Listen, I’m out front in my car with two sleeping kids in the back. Would you mind bringing it out?” He said sure.

And that was it. I handed him cash, he went in and made change and brought that out.

Now, I’m a convert. I realize my new trick’s only appropriate with certain merchants in certain settings, but imagine if stores starting marketing this service as a value added option? They’d corner the Mom market and keep our kids – and reputations – safe.

April 1, 2008
by heather
0 comments

Mommy, Inc.

The first day of April brought a nice warm evening and I sat on our front porch with a cup of tea. Contentment. The kids fell asleep early (there is a God) and I felt a certain peace. With this moment to reflect I realized that in the four years since my first child was born, I’ve gotten the hang of this new job, Motherhood. It’s been so crazy learning the ropes, I’m just now feeling my groove.

Learning on the job of motherhood is overwhelming for all of us. One moment you’re a busy career woman, juggling multiple business priorities, and suddenly you find yourself an inexperienced mother juggling the minute tasks of caring for a new life. It’s the biggest career transition women experience and yet we get no training. None. Not one class, entry level position or tutored-for test prepared me for the most important role of my life. I was a newbie yet expected to succeed and thrive as a mother. The hurtling fall from experienced executive to floundering, deer-in-the-headlights mother caught me by shocking surprise. Within a heartbeat (literally) the identity and skills I had so carefully cultivated for myself over the years, were useless. Or were they?

Welcome to Mommy, Inc.

I’ve come to think of motherhood as the career change that thrust me into my new role at Mommy, Inc. In the first days and months of motherhood, I was lost. The baby books I poured over focused solely on my little one – not solutions for my overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and isolation. Yet, as I slowly developed a schedule for my days, a network of mothers, and a new identity; I realized that I was rebuilding systems and processes I had developed for my job. For example, I needed a specific time management system to keep track of play dates, activities, household operations, shopping, calls and tasks. I learned to proactively network to make friends for myself and my children. I wanted a philosophy and guidelines for managing childcare, housecleaning and other service personnel – in other words, outsourcing.

As the family has grown in size, so has my job managing household operations and infrastructure. As my children have grown in age, I’ve used the fine arts of negotiating and diplomacy to spare us as many battles as we’ve suffered. And, of course, I’ve drawn on every ounce of marketing and sales experience to pitch just about everything they need in their lives. (Would you like to try this yummy apple bread? Not, Try this healthy zucchini oatmeal bread made with applesauce.)

My growing proficiency at Mommy, Inc. gives me a feeling of mastery. It’s taken four years to figure out how to maneuver my new role and this new company. That’s about what it would take in a new job. But most other jobs don’t include a sweet hug and I love you at the end of the day.

March 20, 2008
by heather
0 comments

Gender Genes

It’s official – I can’t deny the differences between daughter and son. Basic, instinctual leanings wrought by nature, not just nurture. Let’s see, when did it start? Oh, the other day when Charlie (4) started playing doctor after Sophie (2) returned home from ours with an ear infection (no, they didn’t play that kind of doctor yet!) I was to be the patient (of course) while Charlie took my blood pressure and gave me “shots” with the medicine plunger. I pretended to cry after my shot and Sophie turned all protective, jumping into my lap to “protect” me from Charlie and telling him to stop. She was really rather fierce in her protection of me and I was secretly thrilled.

After all, Charlie has yet to realize I have feelings too and remains in his egocentric view of the world (normal for toddlers). Sophie, however, demonstrated the female nurturing quality so inherent in our beings. She already asks me if “I’m okay” if I say ouch or appear hurt. She’s repeating what I say to her, sure, but Charlie hasn’t picked up on that yet.

The kids played up their gender roles again this week with our little ladybug friends (some of you may remember when ladybugs moved in last Fall). Sophie has become quite affectionate of the few little ladybugs living in her room. She loves to put them on a finger and let them crawl up her arm, fascinated when they quickly flutter wings and depart. Charlie on the other hand, seeks to destroy each little spotted friend with a swift hammer of his hand or eager stomp.

Alas, these leanings are pretty run of the mill. But they’re a first for me to witness. Certainly Charlie has his compassionate moments and Sophie her aggression. And I’m wary to pigeonhole either one in a gender stereotype (feminist graduate of a women’s college as I am). But isn’t it interesting when they follow the norms?

February 15, 2008
by heather
0 comments

Taming Coughs with Honey

Uggggh, I’ve been holed up at home with my two toddlers for two and a half weeks while they’ve battled four (4!) illnesses. What a rough February! First, my son came down with croup. I though he needed to have a cold first but our pediatrician said the standard course is croup, cold, then possibly ear infection (yep, he got them all). When his cough wouldn’t subside after a week, she recommended children’s nighttime Triaminic. I balked. Weren’t children’s cough medicines banned recently by the FDA, I inquired? He’s old enough, she said. (The FDA banned them in Oct for children under two years. They are continuing studies for children ages 2 to 11 years.)

Contrary to my pediatrician’s prescription, I remembered warnings for children under six so I cautiously read the ingredients in all the childrens’ cough medicines at the pharmacy. Many had an anthistamine plus dextromethorphan or Pseudoephedrine (commonly found in Sudafed). I’m okay with the antihistamine. When the warnings first came out, a doctor told me it’s the safest choice since it’s natural. Plus, it’s recommended for bronchitis and is the only medicine that’s ever helped a bad cough of mine. I couldn’t justify the other ingredients. Sudafed makes me and most adults I know pretty crazed, how can I give it to a child? Plus, most reports have confirmed that standard cough medicines containing dextromethorphan simply don’t work. I left the pharmacy emptyhanded.

Instead, I tried honey. A colleage of my husband’s recommended a mixture of honey, oil (to smoothe it for stirring) and lemon juice. I tried honey and a little warm mater to mix it in the bottom of a sippy cup. Then I filled it with OJ. Both kids drank it down (by this time, S. was sick, too) and it seemed to work. I can’t be sure but a recent study reported in the New York Times indicated that a touch of honey makes a better cure than cough medicine. (Note: Do not give honey to infants under one year because of the slight risk of Botulism.)

Lucky me, their bout with croup, then double ear infections were followed by vomiting then diarrhea (from the antibiotic for the ear infection). I don’t have a solution yet for ailments of the gut other than lots of towels, laundry detergent, and patient motherly love. Here’s to a healthier March!

Disclaimer: Please check with your own pediatrician before giving your children any over the counter medications including antihistamines!

January 30, 2008
by heather
0 comments

Green Cleaning Fruits and More

Ever wonder whether your fresh fruit is clean enough for your baby or toddler? Are you using the right solution? Did you wash it long enough to remove all the harmful pesticides and bacteria? Well, these types of questions have long lingered in my mind and plagued me as C. or S. bite into apples, grapes or pears. I’ve tried veggie washes, bathing fruit in soapy water and simply rinsing it.

Then, my husband arrived from work one day, recalling a story he’d heard on NPR on the drive home. The segment, What Does it Take to Clean Fresh Food, noted that Cooks Illustrated editors had tested water and other solutions to determine what was safest. The result? Vinegar and water. Yes, a cheap, easy to create home-based solution. The best approach is to mix one part vinegar with three parts water in a spray bottle (the kind you use for plants). Spray the fruit several times then rinse with cold water. That’s it. I do this as soon as I bring the fruit home then put it in a bowl. (My son tends to grab apples at will so this way I know they’re clean!)

I also use the vinegar and water solution to spray down my kids’ lunchboxes when they arrive home. It wipes out any lingering odor and cleans them well. Plus, I know it’s safe if any food comes into contact with the bottom of their lunchbox.

Finally, vinegar and water is also a good solution for countertops. While not recommended for granite, it’s a great stand in if you’re out of an alternative.